MIDNIGHT REVIEWS 12 Days of Alternative Christmas Stories
Midnight Reviews features reviews and thought pieces written and edited by a parent, at night, after bedtime.
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It seems like the Best of Christmas movie lists come around earlier every year, doesn’t it?
With festivities soon to arrive on your front door step, or down your chimney, sometimes it seems like the same old movies come around every year. So read on for a list of the old standards as well as some lesser-known alternatives. Featuring full-length films, TV episodes and even some short movies, you’ll be sure to find something that can keep you entertained, whether alongside loved ones or just as a way to ignore them. This isn’t a list for curmudgeons, but for those after something a little different.
On the first day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Home Alone
A heartwarming Christmas classic that’s a surefire way to keep the kids entertained, with the tale of young Kevin McCallister having to fight off two burglars with a series of inventive, wacky traps. It’s all tied together in a neat little bow by a wonderful performance from Macauley Culkin as Kevin.
Yes, the surefire way to ensure people agree with your top Christmas movies list is to make sure Home Alone features prominently. The best part’s where Joe Pesci gets his head set on fire (I think he won an Oscar?)
Or maybe you could try…
The West Wing
From Home Alone to The White House, where the President and his staff must overcome obstacles professional and personal to try and make the world a better place. A tightly written, incredibly well-acted show that has aged well, though perhaps falters in later seasons.
At first, I thought a serious, densely written show about American politics wouldn’t have time to feature Christmas episodes. But on second thoughts, the hopeful tone the series usually grasped tightly is a perfect fit and there are several Christmas episodes scattered here and there. Each manages to include the holidays without skimping on the political intrigue, with highlights being Noel, following Josh as he struggles to come to terms with horrible events of a previous season, and Holy Night, with carol singers used to build up tension not just in the characters but the viewers as well. Use this as an excuse to dive right into a show that wasn’t realistic, but aimed to show what politics and politicians could be.
The West Wing is available to enjoy on All4, and is probably available to purchase too.
On the second day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Miracle on 34th Street
Turn the cuteness factor up to 11! With a sugary story, fabulous fun and perfect performances from Mara Wilson and Richard Attenborough, this one won’t fail to melt the heart strings (Does this make sense? — Editor)
This one is for the true Christmas die-hards (that one comes later).
Or you could try…
Le Pupille
From a story full of sumptuous syrup, to a story that revolves around a heavenly cake. Le Pupille tells the story of some young girls under the care of nuns, who push and strive to show them the error of their ways. Indeed, one is a thoroughbred martyr on a power trip, able to turn any moment of innocence into a moment of repentance. The girls are forced to stand perfectly still and listen to war correspondents on the radio and punished when they start dancing to music; just one day in their life amongst some interesting visitors and unsure moments.
The ending is perfect for Christmas, though, as just when you think things can’t get any worse for these girls, their perspective shows that this Christmas Day might just be okay. The moral of this story? The characters give their opinion, but maybe it’d be best for you to decide yourself.
Le Pupille is available to enjoy on Disney+.
On the third day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
It’s a Wonderful Life
A heartwarming Christmas classic that’s a surefire way to get rid of any holiday blues, with the tale of George Bailey having to fight off two burglars played by Joe Pesci and Robert de Niro. Far superior to the sequel featuring Donald Trump as the angel on top of the Trump Tower Christmas tree.
Or maybe…
Little Women
George Bailey finds out through a Christmas miracle what life would be like without him, and eventually that he has everything he could ever need. The little women have no time for that, abandoning their stories as life gets in the way.
On release, the latest version received critical acclaim and the original story still holds up with a series of complex, well-drawn characters. Christmas features as characters gather over multiple years. They squabble, hug, help and love each other, with the movie not just filling hearts with hope and excitement, but doing so with characters that are reflections of ourselves. Masterful film making that deserves every outlandish, gushing review it can get.
Little Women is available to enjoy on Netflix.
On the fourth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Did you know this wasn’t directed by Tim Burton? But he won’t stop people thinking it!
Or, alternatively…
Love, Death + Robots
Episode name: All Through the House
From one animated twist on Christmas to another, this short follows a brother and sister as they excitedly sneak downstairs to try and catch Santa in the act.
What they find is not what they, or the viewer, expects and the results are hilarious, disgusting and surprising in equal measure, with delightfully gross creature and sound design. The animation is purposefully made to ape the classic stop-motion Rankin/Bass productions, but with horrific consequences for those who sneak down the stairs in the middle of the night.
Try it, and if you like it, make your way through the entire show that features bitesize stories with a wide range of interesting ideas and characters ranging from heroic to loathsome, pragmatic to hopeless dreamers, and everything in between.
Love, Death + Robots is available to enjoy on Netflix.
On the fifth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Jingle All The Way
I actually like all of the standard Christmas fare on this list, apart from this shoddily made cash-in. Arnold stars as a well-meaning father who is on a mission to find the one toy his child wants for Christmas. Along the way he meets Sinbad, who has been given better material; Phil Hartman, who should’ve been given more to do; and James Belushi is also there.
Or you could try…
Iron Man 3
A list of alternative movies featuring a Marvel film, least of all a Marvel film featuring their main box office draw, is perhaps a contradiction in terms. However, if you’re after a Christmas action movie (not that one, I told you, it’s coming later) then you could do a lot worse than this subversive delight.
Featuring one of the great rug pulls, and one of the best scenes, in all the MCU as Tony Stark comes face to face with The Mandarin. And along the way, learns a little something about fortune cookies and certain parts of South London.
Iron Man 3 is available to enjoy on Disney+.
On the sixth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
The Santa Clause
Ah, there’s nothing like watching Tim Allen, jumping around in a strange get-up and pushing snow into people’s faces.
Or, alternatively…
Blast of Silence
A contract tying you down. Christmas songs playing as you push your head against the glass and try to forget. Blast of Silence, a movie I found out about on the fabulous BFI site, is a movie of juxtaposition. A contract killer wanders around parts of New York on his latest job. His hands sweat not at the mention of danger, but of contact with another human being. This is a man seemingly built to avoid not just Christmas but humanity itself, yet he is dragged into parties, pulled into dances and struggles through it all. He can’t manage it, nor sustain the illusion, and to say it all ends badly would be stating the obvious. A main character that is pitiful more than anything else, dead to the real world and dead to true emotion that the humans around him exhibit. A low-key emotional ride. It includes a soundtrack that could be the great-grandfather of Hildur Guðnadóttir’s work on Joker.
Blast of Silence is available from the Criterion Collection.
On the seventh day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Die Hard
Yes, here it is! The big one! The one that always creates engagement because, like top 10 Christmas movie lists, debates about whether this is a Christmas film come around earlier each and every year.
Or maybe you could watch…
Die Hard
It’s clearly a Christmas movie. It’s about a guy trying to reconnect with his family, against all the odds and all the hurdles put up in front of him, as well as the B-plot of a police officer finding redemption. Truly, Bruce Willis’ vest is a Christmas miracle.
Die Hard is available underneath all good Christmas trees, and on Disney+.
On the eighth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
A Christmas Carol
The timeless tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, Tiny Tim, Pikachu and all your other favourites has been remade, retold and remastered it’s difficult to pick a favourite version. Patrick Stewart brings a thunderous version to screens, Jim Carrey stars in a version that was made during an inventive time of CGI and there is of course my own version that I wrote for the year 6 Christmas play featuring a Robot of Christmas Yet to Come who sings about being used as a microwave (the song was cut for time).
Or you could try…
A Ghost Story for Christmas
There are a dozen or more versions of A Christmas Carol, and it’s the same for horror stories at Christmas. Some are macabre, some aim for frightful fun and funnies, while some are like A Ghost Story for Christmas. Originally produced in the 1970s by the BBC, there is a modernised series (the one I watched: Count Magnus) available to watch that is wonderfully hokey in all the right ways. It wouldn’t be out of place in a Hammer Horror collection.
Every performer knows exactly what sort of story they’re telling as Jason Watkins of The Crown fame tries to solve the mystery of the titular Count, only to find things that are beyond his comprehension. Similar to Love, Death + Robots, try out this series if you want some shorter but still-entertaining stories.
A Ghost Story for Christmas is available to enjoy in certain countries and territories on BBC iPlayer.
On the ninth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
The Muppets Christmas Carol
On wondering whether this entry belonged with the previous, it occurs to me that anything involving the muppets is its own thing. They are, to my mind, a mildly entertaining curio that baffle me when I see how internationally successful they are. It’s not a critique; it’s more that I don’t quite understand them, despite all the times I’ve pretended I do, laughing along as everyone around me gets something I don’t. I’m glad I got that off my chest.
Or maybe you could try…
Gremlins
Forget Animal; the gremlins are the real deal. Wonderful designs and puppetry work together to help tell a story of cute furry creatures that should not be fed after midnight. Of course, early on someone doesn’t quite follow the rules to the letter and accidentally unleashes a host of horrific creatures hell-bent on destroying everything and everyone.
With a Christmas message of togetherness and always trying your hardest, Gremlins is scary enough for the kids and entertaining enough for the adults so that everyone can enjoy it, with some memorable rules and imagery that helps it stick in the mind.
Not quite sure if the rules of Gremlins make sense? Feel free to try out the sequel, a live-action cartoon that is ludicrous in its execution and, some would argue, even better than the original.
Gremlins is available to enjoy on NowTV.
On the tenth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Whichever version you decide to go with, it will tell you the tale of an ill-treated grouch who hates togetherness, just because he’s lonely. Lessons are learnt, friendships are built and hearts are grown, like bad facial hair.
Or you could try…
A Very Sunny Christmas
A longer episode of the long-running It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia that involves people trying to steal Christmas, but learning no lessons at all.
This series follows The Gang, a bunch of misfits who run a bar, with this episode showing a lot of the backstory of some of the main characters. Whether it’s the revelation of what Charlie’s mum got up to with all those Santas, a child being too loud as he helps break into a house or the unforgettable sight of Danny DeVito ‘hiding’ in order to eavesdrop on his employees, this episode is jam-packed with rich moments to saviour time and time again.
Infinitely rewatchable and described by one of its creators as the ‘anti-Friends’, this might just be the type of heartwarming Christmas story you’ve been looking for. It might be a bit much for newcomers, but then again if you enjoy this episode it might very well be the show for you.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is available on Netflix in certain countries, and on Hulu in others.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Love Actually
It’s actually a requirement by law that everyone in England has to watch this or the youngest member of their family gets left with the family of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Or alternatively…
Tangerine
The story of a woman betrayed during the Christmas holidays; a hopeful lost soul, hinging everything on a fabulous stage performance; and a guy who’s obsessed with a girl who’s already with another guy. This is the story of Tangerine. Sin-Dee Rella is on the hunt for the pimp who broke her heart by cheating on her whilst she was in prison, dragging her friend Alexandra along for most of the ride.
Tangerine does suffer from moments that look like a student film (the whole thing was shot on iPhones), but this choice enables the camera to freewheel around and it does so for almost the entirety of the runtime. Think Birdman but with a shot of adrenaline. This is Sin-Dee’s odyssey and it’s as chaotic and outrageous as her life.
The performances are out of this world and heartbreaking, with a truly detestable character who is pimp, boyfriend, fiancée and absolute bastard rolled into one. Kitana Kiki Rodriguez and Mya Taylor give it their all as the two main characters who are lost in an LA that is dirty and disgusting. The empathy for these characters is immediate as Sin-Dee struggles to find direction both in life and in the search for the aforementioned pimp, and Alexandra just wants people to turn up to her show and listen to her sing. Instead it looks like everything is going to break down until the last shot of the film, which gives us a little hope yet.
Tangerine is available to enjoy on Amazon Prime.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, this review sent to me…
Elf
Will Ferrell tries something different, playing a screaming man-child who says inappropriate things at the wrong time.
Or you could try…
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Through happenstance, our protagonist is thrust into unfamiliar surroundings, trying his best to make something of the opportunity. Maybe you wonder how these two go together, but I don’t see another Goddamn reviewer around here, so pipe down.
A deconstruction of the noir genre that gave us films like Blast of Silence, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang follows Harry Lockhart (Downey Jr., shortly before his Iron Man suit launched him into the stratosphere and beyond) as he tries and almost fails to be a private detective. This film is hilarious with the three central performances bringing everything they need to Shane Black’s whip-smart dialogue. While its plot might move too fast for some, the plot isn’t really the point. That it constantly plays with convention and still enables us to feel for the characters is its greatest achievement in a film that could’ve so easily been light, breezy and forgettable.
What do you think? Have you watched any of these alternative Christmas movies? Let me know, or if you like the look of the list, feel free to share it with others!
